How did you become a Jewish Life Coach?
My coaching practice emerged from the training and speaking I have been doing in the corporate, academic and Jewish arenas for over 20 years. I found that, after facilitating a workshop or delivering a speech, I would get calls from audience members who wanted me to work with them individually to help them meet their goals further, faster (and with more fun) than they might on their own. So I went to coaching school (yes, there is such a thing!) to learn the skills and techniques that would help me to help them in a way that allowed the client’s creativity, resourcefulness and values to shine through. How did I become a Jewish coach? Well, I’m Jewish, more than half of my clients are Jewish, and many of them work in Jewish organizations, therefore it seemed like I could call myself a Jewish coach. So I did – and it stuck. Of course, all of my non-Jewish clients just know me as "Coach"!
How did you decide to write Oy Vey Isn’t a Strategy?
A few years ago, I started sending e-newsletters to the people I had met over the years who had participated in workshops of mine – just to keep in touch. These newsletters started to circulate – and I know this because whenever I go to a Jewish event and introduce myself, people say, “Oh! You’re the “Newsletter Lady!” My writings got a wider audience when my newsletters became a regular column in the Jewish press, and more and more readers would tell me how one particular story had made an important impact on their work or life. I wanted to be able to help more people who really needed new perspectives, outlooks or strategies on real problems, so I decided to write a book. But I think that the most important answer might be that my mother kept asking, “So, when are you going to write a book?” Here you go, mom!
Did you have to change any names in your vignettes?
As someone with a master’s degree in social work and accreditation as a professional coach, I am deeply committed to maintaining my clients’ confidentiality. And, when you read the book, you’ll notice that if there’s ever a “schmuck” in the story – someone who needs to get knocked over the head with a heavy dose of the obvious – that person is me! There are very few lessons that I’ve shared with my clients that I didn’t have to learn first, and usually it was one of my children or my husband who taught me – lovingly, of course.
Some of your advice is pretty funny. Were you funny as a kid?
Several of my report cards from elementary school made the same comment: “Deborah is an excellent student, but sometimes her need for attention from her peers is distracting.” In other words, I was an aspiring class clown, but didn’t get into too much trouble because I did my work. It took me until college to figure out how to channel that humor for good instead of evil, when I joined an improvisational comedy troupe. I spent seven years doing improv and stand-up comedy, even performing on television and in some of New York City’s top comedy clubs. I truly believe that performing comedy is the best training I have for what I do now as a speaker and as a coach. No matter what you throw at me, I can handle it! Of course, now I have funny kids. Recently I made a joke at home, and my daughter Sophie turned to an imaginary audience and announced, “She’ll be here all week, folks!”
Your work involves a huge amount of public speaking. What rituals or practices do you go through before your presentations to keep your energy up and nervousness down?
Mark Twain once said, “There are two kinds of speakers: those that are nervous, and those that are liars.” Even after all of these years, I do get nervous. But the symptoms associated with anxiety (heart pounding, sweating, shortness of breath) are the same symptoms associated with excitement. In fact, when I found out that my book was getting published, my heart was pounding, I was sweating, and I couldn’t breathe -- and all for a great reason! So I just tell myself that what I am feeling is exhilaration, and I channel that. And I think my audience feels it, too.
You travel a great deal. What are the most exotic places you’ll be travelling to in the next year?
I’ve recently been to China, Japan, England, Canada and the Caribbean, and I will next go to wherever I am invited. Seriously. I have my shots, my passport and my carry-on bag already packed. Who wants me?
That tips do you have for combining a heavy travel schedule with a home life that works?
Make a plan and get some partners. I couldn’t do what I do – globetrot all over the world – if my husband Michael wasn’t so ready, willing and able to make sure that everything at home was being taken care of – practically and emotionally. We have monthly “Calendar Meetings” where we sit down and map out what we both need to do over the next few weeks to make our family work. Romantic? No. Vital? Absolutely. I also won the lottery when it came to Michael’s extended family. On my last month-long trip to China, our after-school babysitter quit the first week. Michael’s entire family stepped up to help make sure that the kids were well tended – and very (very) well fed.
What’s your favorite treat when you are on the road?
If I could only have one food in the world, it would beHäagen-Dazs Deep Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream. Wherever I travel to, I ask my host to take me to out for the best local ice cream. I have indulged in Graeters in Columbus, Menchies in Las Vegas, and Mitchell’s in Cleveland. I think I almost started a civil war in St. Louis when one group of locals insisted that Crown Candy had the best ice cream, and another group swore byTed Drewes Custard. As a good guest, I allowed my host to take me to sample both.
So, which one was better?
I’ll never tell!
How adventurous are you in sampling the local fare when you travel?
I am as adventurous as my commitments to keeping kosher and to gastrointestinal health allow me to be. I eat a vegetarian diet when I am traveling, but within that, I will try any kind of noodle, tofu, fish, or vegetable that the locals are enjoying. And, dessert, of course. I never miss dessert.
If you weren’t a coach and a speaker, what do you think you’d be doing?
I recently read an article that said that Organic Chemistry is what separates the doctors from the psychologists. So true! I was Pre-Med in college, but I wasn’t willing to sacrifice fun for a grueling science course. While I do believe that I have the best job in the world for me, if I had to pick another career, I’d be a doctor. Now, I help people through language – asking powerful questions, sharing resources, offering new perspectives. I’d also like to be able to help people through science.
Does your family take your advice?
The first lesson we learned in coaching school was this “Don’t try to coach your family!” Of course, I had to test it out for myself in my home laboratory. Let’s put it this way: they were right.
