In an exhaustive survey of training programs published to coincide with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, Useless News and Worthless Retorts magazine awarded its highest rating to BABAGANEWZ Reflect and Consider How Academy (BRACHA).

BRACHA offers talmidim (students) comprehensive courses that not only explore the human heart, but also awaken students to an ancient wisdom that cultivates happiness and fulfillment.

During their freshman year at BRACHA, talmidim must complete all four courses from the Avinu Shebashamayim Core Curriculum and one Barukh Hashem elective. (Avinu Shebashamayim, our Parent in heaven, and Barukh Hashem, blessed be God.)

FRESHMAN CORE CURRICULUM

Our core curriculum reverses the misguided approach taught at Hogwarts, our bitter rival. Accordingly, our course titles might be the same, but our professors are wizer.

Transfiguration - 101 Galloping Gargoyles! Albus Dumbledore (1845-1997), Minerva McGonagall, and Dolores Umbridge got it wrong: Transfiguration is not about conjuring up objects or changing their appearance; it's about conjuring up the best person we can be and striving to become that person. Because a Muggle's task in life is to transform personal behavior into sacred activity, BRACHA students must receive an "A" to pass this course. (M, T, W, Th, F - 8:00 a.m.-10:00 a.m.) Lab 102 is required. Professor Will B. Gnu

Legilimency- 103 Legilimency is the act of understanding another person's feelings. Talmidim at BRACHA master this skill without resorting to Hogwarts trickery, like mind reading. "Merlin's Beard! If I had known I could simply ask people how they were feeling, I wouldn't have wasted time learning to read their minds." H.P. (S, M, T, W, Th, F - 11:00 a.m.-1:30 p.m.)

Professor Emma I. Knice Freshmen must attend the BRACHA/Hogwarts Symposium: "Legilimency and the Process of Teshuvah." Severus Snape will present his controversial paper "Real Men Read Minds."

Pensieves: Teshuvah Technology or Theatrics? - 104 The late Albus Dumbledore astounded the scientific world when he claimed he could deposit his memories into a stone bowl and analyze them objectively. Without disputing the theory that humans benefit from critical examinations of their behavior, this course rejects Dumbledore's primitive application. BRACHA talmidim study a practical teshuvah technology developed by Moses Maimonides (1135-1204); namely, recognize your bad behavior and stop it; feel true regret for your misconduct; seek forgiveness from those whom you've harmed; pledge to avoid that harmful behavior in the future. (M, W, F - 3:00 p.m.-4:00 p.m.)

Awakening Spells for Beginners: Mastering Enervate- 105 This course restores the hidden truth about "awakening spells." Awakening involves more than arousing ourselves and others from sleep. It means opening our eyes to the daily miracles in God's creation and acknowledging our dependence on God's mercy. (This class meets each day, morning and evening.)

Professor Yul Dahvin

Guest Lecturers Ima Shofar and Tiki Yah will teach during Elul and Rosh Hashanah.

ELECTIVES

Cultivating the Power of Omnioculars - 040 A hands-on practicum that teaches students to replay in their minds something they've recently witnessed. This skill is essential for self-reflection and distinguishes Muggles from wizards, who must rely on magical brass binoculars for the same effect. (T - 2:00 p.m.-3:00 p.m.)

Muffliato for Dummies - 058 This popular elective creates a buzz on campus and always attracts auditors. Students will learn to avoid or ignore negative speech around them without resorting to raising the volume on their iPods. (M - 2:00 p.m.-3:00 p.m.)