Pick a Date
So, you don't get to pick the date, but there's a lot about your bar/bat mitzvah that you can decide.

Alex and Sophie do a lot of things together. Right now, the twins are busy planning their b'not mitzvah. They discussed the Torah portion together, picked a mitzvah project, and found a theme to combine them. "Our entire family, even my younger brother and sister, was involved," says Sophie.

"At first," Alex admits, "I thought they would just mess things up, but now I'm happy they helped. Doing it together as a family was the best part."

These girls want to make sure they earn their party, and they recognize, as Alex said, "becoming a bar or bat mitzvah means that you are becoming a Jewish adult, and you need to take responsibility for your actions." They're taking responsibility, starting now.

Guest List
Sure, you want everyone you care about to be there to celebrate with you, but all those guests add up, and the real meaning of the day can get lost in the crowd.

"If you invite everybody you know, you can spend half the party saying goodbye to people," Lauren warns. Since her great-grandmother couldn't travel, Lauren nixed plans for a big party at her hometown and flew down with her friends and family to Florida so her great-grandmother could be a part of the celebration.

"Choosing to have a smaller party meant I got to spend quality time with the people who mean the most to me," says Lauren. "It was much more intimate with less people and really helped make the day so wonderful."

Theme
Some people enjoy having a theme, but make sure becoming a bar/bat mitzvah is the main focus of the day!

Themes like shopping or soccer might seem fun, admits Rachel, but is that really what you want the day to be about? "We did a lot with the seven species, which was part of my Torah portion," Rachel says, "but my bat mitzvah didn't have a real theme. It was really about having all my friends and family there to celebrate with me. That's what I remember about it most."

Decorations
Flowers die. Balloons pop. Streamers fall down. Why not decorate with something that lasts?

They may not look like twins, but they are. Esti and Shiri are bat mitzvah twins, matched together by the North American Conference on Ethiopian Jewry, which works to support underprivileged Ethiopian Jews. At Esti's bat mitzvah, she decorated the tables with books and school supplies, which were later donated to Shiri's school in Be'er Yaakov, Israel. Esti recognized that becoming a bat mitzvah now means that she has "a responsibility to help people like Shiri, who really need it."

"I didn't want a big, fancy, expensive celebration," Esti said, "I didn't need to show off." Besides, Esti adds, "I don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time."

Services
Hours of tutoring may have seemed long, but you've learned a lot along the way and worked hard to get to this point. That alone is quite an accomplishment. Now, it's your moment to shine.

At Nathan's bar mitzvah, he held the Torah scroll and led the community in reciting the shema. He said the blessings over the Torah for his aliyah, and then entire congretation said, "Amen." For most kids, that might be easy, but Nathan, who is both autistic and mentally retarded, it was quite an accomplishment.

"It was a very meaningful ceremony," shares Nathan's father, "because it showed that the Jewish community can really make a place for everyone. At his bar mitzvah, Nathan truly became a member of the congregation."

D'var Torah
The spotlight is on you, and everyone is listening. It's your chance to share some words of wisdom and thank everyone who helped make this day special.

"I was really nervous about my d'var Torah, and it was difficult to write," said Arielle. "It wasn't the most exciting parshah, so I had to dig really deep, but I really liked the outcome. It taught me that I can do just about anything if I just put my mind to it."

The Party
And, perhaps most importantly, don't forget to have fun and celebrate this special occasion. Becoming a bar/bat mitzvah may come with a lot of responsibilities, but it also marks an exciting transition in your life. You deserve a chance to let loose and party. You've earned it!

"The party is an important part of it all," says Jessie. After working so hard, "It's your chance to celebrate and have fun."

At Jessie's party, she didn't hand out goody bags. The guests had to make them themselves--and they didn't even get to take them home afterwards. Jessie and her friends decorated mugs, stuffed them with fruit and chocolates, and packaged them up to be distributed to needy senior citizens. At first, people were a bit hesitant, Jessie said, but in the end, "they really ended up enjoying themselves. People still talk about it all the time.

Zoom In
Let’s get personal:
Top five things you can do to keep it real

1. Personalize your invitations by designing them on your computer.
2. Give a gift to others. Donate a portion of your gifts to a tzedakah fund that you believe in.
3. Waste not, want not. Make sure the leftovers don’t end up in the trash. Instead, send them to a food pantry.
4. Celebrate a Jewish value or a mitzvah that speaks to you and make it part of the day.
5. Don’t forget the after-party. Ask your friends to volunteer with you in your community for an afternoon.