You've seen Cheaper by the Dozen and Yours, Mine and Ours. Now meet some real families who don't get starring roles in movies, but nevertheless demonstrate that all types of families can overcome all types of challenges.

          The Ollaniks: Trusting Each Other

When David Ollanik and Michelle Medina of Tucson, Arizona, wed seven years ago, they became more than husband and wife-they became a whole new family. Michelle, who was divorced, is the mother of Sam, 14. David, who was widowed, is the father of Jordan, 14, and Jacob, 12. Becoming a "blended family"-which consists of a husband and wife, each with children from previous marriages-presents its own set of unique challenges. "We had one child who went from being an only child to one of three," David remembers about Sam. He needed to adjust to two siblings with their own opinions about what the family should do on the weekend, or what to eat for dinner. "And the biggest challenge for our kids," notes David, "was figuring out how to have two parents instead of one." Michelle agrees. "I remember insisting that the kids take baths every day. But Jordan and Jacob weren't used to that-they would sometimes go swimming, and that would be their bath. They were used to doing things a certain way, and then along comes their new mom with new rules." Michelle and David wanted the children to trust their soon-to-be new family members, so they planned for the transition by having both families interact as much as possible before getting married. "When we dated, we did as much as we could together as a family," says David. "We would go to the zoo, miniature golf, and sporting events." Today, it's clear that the Ollaniks have established a normal family life, and that their children have come to accept and trust their new relatives. Last year, Sam and Jordan shared their b'nai mitzvah, and when asked what he calls his stepmother, Jacob doesn't hesitate: "Just Mom," he replies. "I think we feel very lucky that we're just dealing with normal homework, clean your room, do-yourchores type issues that I think all families have," notes David, "as opposed to spending our time dealing with trust issues or blending issues."

          The Rotters: Patience in the Holy Land

Imagine leaving your home, friends, school, and culture to start life in a different country, engaged in war, where they speak a foreign language. Last August, Shana Rotter, 13, faced these extraordinary challenges when she made aliyah (immigrated to Israel) from Passaic, New Jersey, with her parents and three siblings. The family moved to Israel with the help of Nefesh B'Nefesh, an organization that facilitates aliyah. The Rotters now live in Chashmonaim, a settlement located between Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. "We have to work together a little more to try and figure things out," explains Dvora, Shana's mother. "Everything is new to us, from school supplies to school subjects." "All of us are reluctant to go to school in the morning," Shana relates. "Everyone is more tense and aggravated. My youngest sister finally realized that she doesn't understand anything in gan (kindergarten). My brother never wants to go to school because he doesn't understand anything." Maintaining patience helps the Rotters adjust to their new surroundings. It takes time, they've found, to set up a house, buy a car, and go to the supermarket, and it's not easy to get used to school on Sundays and doing homework in Hebrew. "Everything here happens slowly," notes Dvora. "It takes a million steps to get anything done…. It's important for the kids to know that it will take time to learn and adjust, not just for them, but for all of us." Despite the challenges, the Rotters are happy with their decision to move to Israel. "We are fortunate as a family that we were all in agreement about making aliyah," Dvora says. "We all wanted to be in Israel, to live in the land God promised us, this place that feels like home…. It adds so much to our lives as Jews." "There are certain things we miss," Shana agrees. "But all this has got to be worth it."

 

The Linfields: Cooperation Is Key

Before the birth of Nechama, the youngest of the seven Linfield children from Silver Spring, Maryland, the family discussed what could have easily become a heated issue: the new seating arrangements in their minivan. A section would need to move to make room for the baby, and an extra seatbelt would be added to the back bench, allowing four kids to sit there. "Nobody wanted to move to the back," recalls Faygah, their mother. "But in the end, they cooperated." For Faygah and her husband Jed, cooperation is the key to successfully maintaining their household. The seven children, ages 2 to 12, do their part to help things run smoothly. The siblings are required to clean their rooms regularly, and the older ones help with vacuuming, laundry, and babysitting. "I get a lot of help from my older kids," Faygah notes. "Before Pesach, they go through every drawer themselves. They clean our van and car, and the little ones entertain the baby. Because we're a large family, they help one another more." Tzivia, age 9 and the oldest daughter, enjoys having the company of her siblings. "You're never bored," she says. "There's always someone to play with. I share a bedroom with Nechama, the youngest. It's fun. She wakes me up and I take her out of her crib." That's not to say that no fighting goes on between the Linfield siblings. Like many families, they clash over which TV programs to watch, and over sharing food, toys, and rooms. "There are always fights," agrees Faygah. "But they learn that this is the way it is, and we deal with it."